What happens when I stop trying to save myself.

I mentioned last week that I'm back in the market for a roommate. So far all the responses I've gotten have been from older men. I'm not cool with that. I've had a couple of male roommates in the past but there was always another female in the house as well. So yeah... lot's of men looking for places to live. Just my luck.

I've recently been putting my writing skills* to good use. I wrote a script that was professionally produced and I've been writing grants as well as content for an online course being put together by a non-profit. Of course I've been doing all of the above for free in exchange for the resume boost. I'm not making any extra cash.

Yesterday I got the "brilliant" idea to see what other ways I can write for money. I've been heard a lot about the 50 Shades of Grey book. I even tried to read the first chapter on Amazon. I'm a bandwagon jumper-on-er, sue me. I wasn't impressed. But I thought, hey, I could do that. I ended up spending the rest of the afternoon writing my first erotic story. It took me quite a while to even get to the beginning of the "good" stuff. Then I had to abandon the new enterprise to go to bible study. I know, I know, what kind of hypocrite does that make me?

It turns out, God was not going to let me take myself there. I was sitting in the church last night feeling quite icky for what I'd been doing, rationalizing my booty off. "I'll only write about married couples!" or "Just because I write it it's the reader's responsibility to police themselves" and thoughts like that.

In the end, I came to the realization that I can do better.  I don't need to pollute my thoughts or enable others to do the same.

STOP THE PRESSES!

I just got an email from someone who needs a place to live for the summer. Looks what happens when you let God solve your problems instead of blindly grasping for any rope that appears.

Wow. Just wow. I'm not saying anything is going to happen with this chick, but it's a start!

*Don't judge my skills by what you see here, this is my happy place and I can post bad writing if I want to.

Fighting back against the Monday Blues

Like almost everyone with a Monday - Friday job I've developed a serious case of the Mondays. Don't know what I'm talking about? Lucky you. It's that feeling that starts on Sunday night. The, "The weekend needs to be just a bit longer" feeling. The Monday morning hit the snooze button twice as long as usual feeling.

You know what? I think I'm over being pissed at Monday. I mean I still don't love it, but why be angry at something so unavoidable?

This is my plan. From here on out (or until I quit blogging) I'm going to dedicate Monday to being thankful for the blessings that occurred over the previous week. I'm thinking this will be just the reminder I need to keep in mind that good things are all around me all the time. I just have to stop being a moody-Judy long enough to appreciate them.

I'm going to aim for 10 blessings every Monday.

1. Skype-ing with Em in New Zealand. She's been there for almost three weeks and I miss my friend terribly.
2. Weather warm enough for swimming and friends willing to come over and enjoy my pool with me.
3. Attending an old friend's baby shower and being reminded of how much I love and enjoy her (mental note - make plans to hang out more often).
4. Discovering the Julia Child - The French Chef library on Amazon Prime (best $79 I ever spent).
5. My nephew running up to hug me when I walk into the room. He's almost 2 1/2 and just slays me with his adorableness. 
6. My brother giving me and delivering a sturdy planter-box he no longer wants. I can't wait to transplant my herbs!
7. Being told I do amazing work and getting appreciated for something I love to do. Hopefully I will be able to post the video, of the script I wrote, here soon.
8. Watching my dog jump into the pool after his ball. Something about flying doggies that just makes me happy. 
9. Hours long phone conversations with my bestie. She just gets me, you know? 
10. Discovering a new season of Tough Love OnDemand. One of the only reality shows I watch.

Phew, that was kind of tough!  I'm glad I did it. I already feel tons better about the new week.

Roommate Wanted

I've come to the conclusion that it is time to get another roommate. The last one moved out over six months ago in a storm of drama and controversy. I'm not even kidding. I felt like I was living in a reality show. Miscarriages, creepy new boyfriends, cheating, job loss, the list was seemingly endless.

The worst part? We got on so well! Right until the creepy boyfriend practically moved in. I'm not good at conflict. I will do anything to avoid confrontation, it's something I need to "work" on. He had been spending every weekend usually Thursday-Monday in my house. He creeped me out. He was too nice. I know call the police someone is too nice! Trust me it was icky. It didn't help matters that my actual roommate was always trying to pay for things (vet bills, expensive beauty creams, groceries, health club memberships). Again you're probably thinking, free stuff = woohoo! It just didn't sit well with me. I like friendships to be equal. I also don't like feeling like I'm being bribed.

Towards the end of our time together her behavior just got more and more bizarre. To the point I was actually afraid that upon coming home I would find all my stuff gone or worse.

But it is time to try again. My bank account really needs the help. Wish me luck!

Revival!

In the days of yore, or you know, before I took up blogging. I was nothing more than a lowly office drone. I would sit at my desk for hours and hours, my brain rotting from lack of use and try and think up ways to keep the synapses firing. I tried Scrabble online, many word games, I even joined a few Yahoo! groups for fiction writers and spent hours trolling the message boards. It was human(vie the internet) contact that I desperately needed.

I had graduated college the year before and all of my friends were literally hours away. I wasn't really meeting new people that I actually liked. I was sad and lonely. One day I was fooling around on the computer and I came across a program that helped me design and write a newsletter. I called it Heads Up! a play on my last name and I actually produced three (maybe four) issues. I would write them, print them on some fun colored paper and MAIL them (US Postal Service Style) to the few select friends I knew would get a kick out of my own brand of silly and informative.

Guess what?

I;m doing it again. This time it is an email version. If you want to join the mailing list send me an email to tobie at lollygaggles dot com* with "Sign me up" in the subject line.

You won't be disappointed.

*I spelled it out that way to avoid spammers. Just type it like you would a regular email address.

Lessons needing learning - I'm getting there.

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from the inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do ourselves.
-Mitch Albom

I get so angry and I nurse my anger. Lately though, I've been able to let things go. I feel so much better. I'm no longer getting poisoned. It's wonderful.

I guess I'm lucky to have them.

I hate my teeth.

Oh, they're perfectly good,  nice and straight only slightly discolored (thanks soda and coffee). As long as I stay away from certain shades of lip gloss you wouldn't even notice.

What I hate are my gaps. It's like my whole mouth is full of teeth that are a size or two too small so I have all these gaps in my top teeth. I begged my parents for braces when I was younger but my mom had the same gaps growing up and her wisdom teeth coming in had pushed everything together. She assured me that would happen for me too, so why spend the money?

Well, I'm 34 and my "wissies" are still nice and snug, buried in my gums.

I should have paid closer attention to some of the family pictures we have. I have the same smile as my Great-great grandpa Arlie. His never closed up. My first-cousin has the same teeth. But she got braces and they looked great! I remember being so jealous at the time. But, with the confidence of youth she failed to wear her retainer and now you'd never know she once had perfect teeth. It makes me so mad! I wouldn't have squandered the money and time of braces!

I've been thinking about getting braces now, but being poor and in debt, it seems foolish to tack on more debt for something so superficial? I guess I could do what my grandma did in the 50's and just have them all ripped out and go for dentures. Yeah, maybe not.

I really, really hate my teeth.

For the IndieInk Writing Challenge this week, Kurt challenged me with "Teeth." and I challenged stacie with "That first sip.

iPhone Obsessions

A list of things that are currently zapping all the electricity from my iPhone.

• Flick Homerun - I'm completely consumed by flicking a tiny baseball across my little screen.
• Draw Something - I know you know what I'm talking about. My username: tobielee12 if you want to laugh at my lack of skillz.
• Where's My Water - you need to check this out. It''s all about getting water to an alligator living in a sewer. Kind of a puzzle, brain teaser thing.
• Sims Free Play - almost as good as the PC version. Well as good as you can expect for a hand-held device.

As you can tell, I kind of like to play games. With the gloomy weather keeping me from getting started on my gardening at least I've got something to do!